I received an e-mail last Monday from the pastor's wife at our church. She asked if Dan and I would be willing to share a little bit of our story on Easter Sunday in the form of a cardboard testimony. I had just seen this kind of thing done the weekend before when I went to Tres Dias. I responded pretty quickly and said we would be happy to participate. E-mails between Kelly and I happened, Dan came in and offered his opinion, and our wording was set.
We've never been particularly reserved when it comes to sharing about our journey to parenthood, and how we endured much tragedy before we were blessed with the adoption of Nicholas and Matthew in 2007. Since our pregnancy losses have been the "big deal" in our lives, and the one obstacle in our faith walk, it probably won't be a surprise to anyone that our cardboard testimony reflected that.
Honestly, once I sent Kelly the verbiage of our sign(s), I didn't think about it again. I went about the rest of the week, keeping busy with the boys, preparing for my other roles at church on Easter weekend, and generally going out my daily life. It wasn't until Saturday, when Dan and I were handed our signs, and we stood backstage that I even remembered what we were doing in the service tomorrow. Even in that moment it didn't seem like a big deal.
And then we did our first run-through.
Really, I was good with that. It was no big deal. Hold a sign, walk across the stage, attach sign to velcro. But the second run-through wasn't easy. That's the one that got to me. I admit, I started crying. Dan started crying. We stood off stage, looked at the picture we helped create, hugged one another and sang along with the final words of the song..."O Praise the one who paid my debt, and raised this life up from the dead". In that moment, everything was just as it should be.
Yes, we still have four babies in heaven.
No, that's not what we wanted.
But we have been blessed beyond measure before, during and since those sad, sad days. And in moments like Saturday evening, I am reminded again of the deep love of our Savior, our parents, our friends and most of all, our children...the precious ones we are privileged to parent on earth, and the beautiful ones who are waiting for us in heaven.
Yes, our faith was shattered, and yes, our faith has been restored. Sharing our story on Sunday morning allowed us to take another step toward healing.